April 2, 2017 by trs

Single Parent in the FS: DC Childcare Trials

In September 2011 I placed my 17 week old fetus on the Foreign Service Institute Child Care Center waitlist. Yeah, you read that right. Only a handful of people even knew I was pregnant – my sister, my aunt, a few friends, my doctor, my A-100 coordinators, two other pregnant FSOs in my A-100 class, my Career Development Officer…it was an interesting time. So as weird as it was it also sort of made sense to find myself filling out a child care form for my yet-unknown-gender Baby C.

Arranging child care in America is hard. If you do not have a child or know someone with a child or have never seen a news story on this topic, then crawl out from under your rock and Google it. Finding child care in the Washington, DC area is notoriously difficult. Summer is especially hard as kids are out of school. Try finding short term child care in the Northern Virginia area in the summer as a single parent while living half a world away… It is like buying a book of Sudoku puzzles and skipping right to the Expert Samurai level at the back of the book.

I never got off the waitlist. When I signed up we were number 17 on the waitlist, when I checked in December, at 31 weeks, I felt hopeful when I saw were were number 5. That is until they told me there was no chance that would change; the next openings were in May, several months after my due date. Other places in the area wanted non-refundable deposits of between $100 and $250 to place my unborn child on their waitlists. Just to be on a waitlist, no guarantee. These same ones also wanted to schedule meet and greets and I wondered how that worked for kids still in the womb.

Perhaps unsurprisingly I had other things going on in my life besides trying to find a child care provider. I had a job (learning Spanish for my upcoming assignment). I had homework. I had friends. I met up with my family. I was pregnant. Yet the child care problem hung over me until I could find a solution. My mother started to talk about retiring. I mentioned I might have a little something for her transition. I lucked out.

Fast forward two years later. It is January. I am preparing for my departure from Mexico six months later and training at FSI to begin nine months later. Once again I am put on the waitlist for FSI. I am not particularly hopeful. I call FOUR additional child care centers in the vicinity of the housing unit I am likely to be placed. ALL of them tell me that unfortunately they have no space. Nine months before I even arrive they all already know there will be no space in their two-year-old class. I opt to move further out and deal with a 50-minute one way commute so I can put my daughter in a place that has space and again, luckily, near my parents.

So once again I recently found myself returning to FSI for seven weeks of training. The first three and last three will be at the Foreign Service Institute in Arlington, Virginia but the fourth week will be in West Virginia. I start looking online for in-hotel babysitting services or a company that will send sitters to hotels in that city in West Virginia. Nothing. After days of this I reach out to my sister and she agrees to have my daughter over for an extended play date/sleep over with her kids for five days and five nights. Right after returning home from her ten year anniversary trip in Jamaica. I lucked out. My sister and brother in law are saints. I felt so relieved having found a solution for what I thought was the hardest part. I was wrong. Once again in January I began making the dreaded calls and emails. But third time is supposed to be the charm, right?

I call the first place. It is located only 5 minutes walk from where we will live. The website is great. They receive high ratings. Sounds amazing! I call and am told right off the bat they have space. I am over the moon! Wow, right out of the gate. I tell them I will hand over my left kidney if I can receive the registration papers now. They say ok. But then I ask how much it costs per week. They tell me they do not have a weekly rate but the monthly tuition is $1770. That works out to be $442.50 a week. For two weeks my daughter will not even be there. Not loving it.

I call the second place. It is also within walking distance, maybe 15 minutes. I talk to a very nice gentleman for 20 minutes. There may be space but they are reserved first for Arlington County workers. I am asked to sign up for a waitlist, and I do (it’s FREE!) but I never hear from them again.

I call the third place. This place is cheaper than the first two ($385 a week) AND charges by the week. It is further away, but only two metro stops and a short walk or a quick drive. I have a really great conversation with one of the directors and am told they do have space and we can register soon. I am SO happy. It took a bit of research and I had to stay up a couple of nights to make the call (thirteen hours time difference – during daylight savings – folks!) but only the third call and I have found the place. Hooray.

I email them right away. The next day they respond. FYI, they casually mention, we are not actually enrolling any children after May 31 because we are moving locations soon and we do not yet know where. <sound of record playing stopping> Wait, what? I most certainly mentioned dates — first thing — the evening before. It was if I were being punked. Except I wasn’t.

Some friends suggested I sign my daughter up for summer camps. That sounded like a great idea. Except as it has been a long time since I have had the summer off from school and my daughter is not yet old enough, I do not really have a concept of summer. And it turned out the summer camps begin June 19. My training begins June 5.

So I call another place and they tell me their five-year-old class is currently full but the can take my name and contact me after Memorial Day. Right, after Memorial Day. May 29. My training begins June 5. That is not. going. to. work.

I call several more places and sign myself for the FSI child care center waitlist yet again. I also contact the WorkLife4You number — it is a resource and referral service for State Department families. They can assist with medical, financial, attorney referrals, school information, and even to help with finding child care centers with openings. Getting close to my wit’s end I call. The woman I speak with for about 30 minutes makes me feel like she really, really cares and she is going to do everything in her power to help. She tells me she will contact me in about two days with the information — however after a few days I instead received an email saying she was still working on a solution and it would take several more business days… Even the professionals were stumped.

After lots of thinking I decide to sign my daughter up for four weeks of summer camp with the before and after camp extended hours option. I found the spouse of a Foreign Service Officer who does occasional babysitting willing to watch my daughter for two whole weeks. The first week I would pay out of pocket and the second week I would utilize our five days of annual emergency back-up care (a State Department benefit), filing for reimbursement. So it would look like the following:

Week 1: At babysitter’s house (out of pocket)

Week 2: At babysitter’s house (for reimbursement)

Week 3: Summer camp 1 with extended hours

Week 4: My sister’s house

Week 5: Summer camp 2 with extended hours

Week 6: Summer camp 3 with extended hours

Week 7: Summer camp 3 (continued!) with extended hours

Sure it was complicated. Sure, I would have to keep reminding myself where I should be driving my daughter and picking her up. But I had found child care for all seven weeks!

Then I received an email from the FSI Child Care Center. My daughter was being offered a spot! I read it, and re-read it. It was like my kid just got into Harvard.

The email said I needed to call the next day, which given I live 12 hours in the future meant I needed to call that night. I could hardly wait. I was so excited. OK. Maybe I should dial it back. I wasn’t that excited. I totally have other things going on in my life. Really.

So I call. I am again informed my daughter has a spot. I say I want it, but I have a few questions. I was being offered a slot starting in May, two weeks before my training even begins. That seems off. I explain I would technically still be on Home Leave at the time but ask if I could still get a spot. And the pause came…. Um, wait, your training doesn’t begin in March? Um, no, it begins in June. Oh, I see….Hmmmm…..I must have written down your information incorrectly….let me see….could you hold…. And I held for what seemed an eternity. I felt my child care dreams slipping away. It was okay, I told myself, I had that other ten step plan ready for execution. No problem. She came back. Hello? This is Laura*, right? (*name changed to protect me from Laura*). Ummmmm…..no. Oh, I see…. Another pause. I wrung my hands. I could feel the “I’m sorry, but….” coming. I braced for it. And then, “well, I already offered you the space, so it is yours if you want it and send in the deposit. We will make it work.” (Sorry Laura*)

I will lose the camp deposit on all three camps and must pay for the week my daughter is at my sister’s. There are somewhere around 100 forms to fill out and turn in (Ok, maybe only seven….). No worries. We have a spot in the best place possible. My daughter and I can ride the shuttle to FSI together; I can visit at lunch. My DC child care trials appear to be resolved this year.* Next up: finding child care at the next post!

*Disclaimer: I knocked on wood, threw salt over my shoulder, crossed my fingers and my toes, and waited until I had the confirmation email of receipt of my deposit before posting.

March 21, 2017 by trs

Less Than a Month To Go (Shanghai)

My favorite puppet at the Shanghai Puppet Exhibition

Why is it when you have arrived in a new place and survive the first month you feel like that month is a big chunk of time but when it is time to move yet again and you have a month left it is like you have no time at all?

I guess it is not rocket science. When you first arrive in a place everything is new and exciting. You explore the simple things like your new home, your neighborhood, figure out the new job routines and if you have kids get them adjusted to the new school or child care.

Now I am just sort of waiting to go. I am counting down the days. I am rather dreading when they pack up our things and I have still have time left in an apartment devoid of our personality. And most importantly in an apartment without much to entertain my daughter. I have tried to prepare her, she talks about it, but I will not know if she gets it until that day is here. I feel I have one foot already in Africa and at least an arm and a good part of my torso in the US on home leave and training. My head however is all over the place – it is here, it is in the US, it is in Malawi. I am thinking ahead – to the vacation, to seeing friends and family, to the things I still need to prepare for the next phase of my career. Yet I find myself often fretting over the things still to be done here.

Well look at that, I bought myself a brand new (to me) car. Now I am going to Disneyland!

A few weeks back I was really struggling. I stayed up late most nights to try to tackle various aspects of my impending departure. For about a week I had only 5 hours a sleep a night. Then I crashed. And suddenly things began to work themselves out. I picked out the Japanese car I wanted to buy for shipment to Malawi, worked out the details, and then when my pay advance hit my bank account I bought the car. After weeks of sweating the details of child care for my daughter during my DC training, and then cobbling together a complicated, but workable, plan, an email came out of the blue with a simple solution. I wrote my personal statement for my annual evaluation in a day and a half and my boss and my boss’ boss wrote their portions in record time. All of the above still have little details to be worked out but the major issues are past me. It’s Miller Time (well if I drank it would be Miller Time. Since I do not drink it is Overindulge in Cheese and Get Some Much Needed Sleep Time).

C jumps for the stars at the Shanghai Children’s Museum

The Bucketlisting in Earnest continues. I had no idea I had so much ground still to cover but items continue to be added last minute. For example, at the beginning of March our Consulate newsletter advertised a puppet show of Little Red Riding Hood in Mandarin at a apparently well-known puppet show venue. The Shanghai Puppet Theater, founded in 1960, is actually located on the same street where I live, only a 25 minutes walk away. I had no idea but decided to add a trip to the theater and puppet exhibition to our t0-do list. The show, all in Mandarin, was enjoyable enough and the kids, including C, got into it. I really enjoyed the exhibit of all different types of puppets from shadow to leather to marionette and more. On another day we made a pilgrimage out to the newly re-opened Shanghai Children’s Museum. A year and a half before we had attempted to visit only to find it shut with a typed sign in Chinese taped to the front door informing visitors it was closed for renovations. Given the sign said it would take a year to renovate yet the building across from mine has been under some form of construction since our arrival over two years ago, I was not holding my breath we would ever see the inside of that place. Then lo and behold I happened across an article saying it had just re-opened at the beginning of March and off we went.

Even the building for the Yuan Dynasty Watergate Museum was cool

I took advantage of having a bit of leave and took half a day to visit the Shanghai Yuan Dynasty Watergate Museum while C stayed with the nanny. As you can guess from the name the museum is pretty specialized — it is specifically about a watergate (sluice or lock) discovered a few decades ago during road expansion in Shanghai. Perhaps one of the most interesting aspects of the story is that the road construction crews stopped their work when they hit the solid rock of the historic watergate AND the Shanghai government called in experts to examine the find AND they preserved the site and built a pretty great free museum to educate the public about it. I will be honest here — I spent all of 25 minutes at the museum — but with its multimedia displays in English and Chinese I was impressed and I am glad I did not skip seeing it though I am glad I left C behind. On another rainy day I made a solo visit to the very excellent Shanghai Film Museum. I may not have known most of the celebrities, directors, or films, but I can certainly appreciate a well-designed museum.

A view of the Astor House Hotel (left side red roof) and the Russian Consulate (center with flag) and the Garden Bridge across Suzhou Creek

This time of year is rainy season in Shanghai — many days have been cold, overcast, and drizzling. This poses a problem when it comes to Bucketlisting in Earnest. I cannot really plan what I will see or rather when I will see it. I have a list — if it is a rainy day and I have time it is indoor museum time and if the weather is suddenly glorious then plans shift to the outdoors. When the forecast all week called for rain on a Saturday but instead the sun shone I bustled C out the door for our Walk Along the Historic Bund. We started at the Astor House Hotel, which was fitting as it was the first place I visited — in fact stayed — when I arrived in Shanghai for the first time in 2002. We then walked (well I walked and C enjoyed a ride in the stroller) to the historic Rockbund area where there stand several heritage buildings, including the former British Consulate. On to the 1930s-era Art Deco building that houses the Rockbund Art Museum, another of Shanghai’s growing contemporary art venues. Really cool building with a collection that again confirmed my dislike for modern art. (An exhibit on the first floor of old crackers and sugar wafers confused C — she said she could barely concentrate because all she smelled were cookies. Well, who are we kidding? It confused me too). Then a walk along the riverside pedestrian walkway for obligatory photos of C with the skyscraper skyline of Pudong across the Huangpu River. We finished with a look at the Telecommunications Museum, where we could learn about the history of telecommunications in Shanghai and look at displays of old phones and phone books. This might sound really boring but I found it interesting and must have made an impression on C who mentioned the old phone booths and books a few days later.

When George Mallory was asked why he wanted to climb Everest he replied “Because it’s there.” That’s my excuse for yet another trip to Shanghai Disney

We rounded out our recent Bucketlisting excursions with yet another trip to Shanghai Disney then joined friends to see the movie Beauty and the Beast. We soon will head off to Malawi where there are no movie theaters and the closest Disney park (Paris) is 4,700 miles away. We lucked out with one of the Disney-inspired metro trains on our way out to the park and C was just tall enough to finally ride the Jet Packs and just brave enough to take on the Pirates of the Caribbean.

It has been wonderful to get out of the house and see more places in Shanghai as part of my farewell, but also because back at the homestead all I see are our things and all I think about is the looming pack out. Every item I lay eyes on — when I open my closet, walk into a room, open a cupboard — seems to ask me to determine its fate: in the suitcase? In the air shipment to the US? In the boat shipment to Malawi? Or is it time to say part ways? It is maddening. At work I find myself alternating between the extremes — in a four hour interview shift I may swing from irritation at how many times I have asked these same questions to feeling a soppy sentimentality about the applicants. Just yesterday I thought again how often I see Chinese family members traveling together — not just couples and their children, but new couples on honeymoons with their parents, sister-in-laws taking trips together, retired sibling couples, grandparents and their grandchildren, and extended families of six or eight all on a group tour with one another. And I start thinking of all the aspects of Shanghai I will miss.

Only 10 more work days to go–seven more interview days, two more fingerprinting days, and one clean my desk and say goodbye day. Plus three weekends, a pack-out prep day, pack out day, Consulate check-out day, two days of leave and one holiday. T-minus 24 days.

February 27, 2017 by trs

45 1/2 Days and Counting (Shanghai)

Time for spring cleaning and spring moving. (Blossoms in bloom in Century Park, Feb 2017)

The food (in my cabinets) is no longer interesting.

I have zero interest in my clothes.

Retail therapy cannot help me anymore as I have stopped making purchases.

I am not 100% sure, but I might want to never, ever, EVER move again.

Welcome to that time when the move is soon, but not really all that soon.

I am not a fan of this time; it makes me uncomfortable. I do not feel like I have free time — because all the time I think I should be doing something to prepare. I feel as though my life is divided into segments: work (yes, I have to keep doing my job but also wrapping up work-related projects), preparing the logistics of the move, sorting through our things for the physical move, hitting the bucket list hard, and sleep. The last is the hardest to do because if I am not doing one of the other things then I am thinking about doing them.

Moving is fun!

In the last 45 days or so I have made real headway on some big and some small projects. I made several hotel reservations for during home leave and purchased our tickets to Disney World. I completed two really large personal projects — finally moved the last of my photos to a file hosting site in The Cloud and put together a photo book for C’s 4th year. If you have ever made a photo book in your life then right now you are shaking your head in wonder at my incredible ingenuity completing it in just a few weeks. Seriously. I am amazing. My taxes are done. So is a huge nine page document I prepared for my supervisor on my work accomplishments over the past year. I scheduled my pre-pack out survey and pack out, requested a pay advance, filled in two departure related surveys for different Consulate offices, reserved our plane tickets as well as transport for our two cats, and wrote a recommendation letter for our wonderful nanny. And perhaps THE MOST FUN was taking my two cats to the Shanghai Shenpu Pet Hospital to get their required-for-export vaccinations.

I wish I could tell you that I am done and for now on it is smooth sailing.

But that would be a lie.

There still is so much to do. From completing my annual evaluation report to buying a car from Japan and shipping it to Malawi. There is more fun with pets and export authorities still to come. I also still need to organize childcare for when I am in training in the US and later in Malawi. And organize all our things for the actual moving day.

I am obsessed with the organization of stuff aspect. There are the things to keep and the things not to keep. Seems pretty simple. But it isn’t. Of the Things Not to Keep there are the Things to Use Up, the Things to Throw Away, the Things to Give Away and the Things to Try to Sell. Of the Things to Keep there are the Things that Go in the Household Effects (the “HHE” i.e. the things that will go from Shanghai to Malawi and we will not see again for many moons), the Things that Go in the Unaccompanied Baggage (the “UAB” which we will see again in the US after several weeks of home leave), and the Things that Go in the Luggage (the items that I will try to stuff into our two pieces each checked suitcases). BTW – these phrases are all official moving terminology.

C’s vision of Malawi? Disney hyenas and gifts?

Every. Single. Day I try to make a decision about some item. I use things up — the mound of foodstuffs featured previously is mostly gone. Sometimes I put an item into a suitcase and add it to the suitcase list, which is a piece of paper where I write the contents of said suitcase (I am brilliant at naming things, my cat’s name is “Cat” just in another language). I toss things out, and, it is a bit embarrassing to admit this, I have a list for that too. This is not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination, particularly for a child of Pack Rats. My parents saved nearly everything. I do not want to, but I agonize over possessions anyway. Now it is not only my things but also my daughter’s. Try convincing a 5 year old she does not need every drawing she ever drew or every picture she ever colored or every stuffed animal ever given to her. I believe I have at least been successful in telling her we will buy no more here in Shanghai. It is part of my The Best of Moving to Malawi Mix-Tape in which I regal her with all the benefits and wonders of moving to our new home. She will go to school full time!! (this works wonders because she is a half day student here in Shanghai and she wants more than anything to go to school FULL DAY) She gets to decide on the theme of her new room!! (Moana. No, horses. No, I changed my mind, definitely Moana) We get to live where there are hyenas (Mom, do not let the cats out of the house in Malawi or the hyenas will eat them). We will have a yard in Malawi (and she can kick the soccer ball in the house and not worry about downstairs neighbors. She is right on not bothering neighbors, wrong on soccer in the house). And the best of all is that there will be toys, toys, and more TOYS to be had in Malawi! She seems to have confused Malawi with Christmas, but if it helps her to focus on our new home and not feel too sad about leaving, then I am willing to let the illusion stand for awhile.

Shanghai’s three giants at night (from left to right: SWFC, Shanghai Tower, Jin Mao tower)

Meanwhile I am also Shanghai bucket-listing like crazy. Yes, I just made bucket list a verb. Two weekends ago I reserved one night at the Grand Hyatt hotel in the Jin Mao Tower in Pudong. The Jin Mao building is one of the tallest in the world and the third tallest in Shanghai and the Grand Hyatt is one of the highest hotels in the world occupying floors 53 to 87. We had a river view on the 66th floor. Wow! The weather was pretty great with sunshine, low air quality index readings, and blue sky. We visited the huge Century Park, strolling through blooming orchards and enjoying kiddie rides at the amusement park. We also went to the top of both Jin Mao tower (on the 88th floor) and the Shanghai World Financial Center Tower observation deck on the 100th floor. We went up the latter in the evening to get the bird’s eye view of Shanghai at night — C fell asleep thus enjoying one of the highest napping areas in the world.

My ticket to the fascinating world of Shanghai policing – past and present

On President’s Day I visited the Shanghai Public Security Museum, reportedly the country’s first museum dedicated to policing and one of the few small museums in Shanghai open on Mondays. This somewhat out of the way museum also appears on numerous “museums to visit in Shanghai” lists and as such made the bucket list. It occupies the second, third, and fourth floors of what what appears to be a police building. A uniformed policeman asked me to sign in and handed over my free ticket. Although there was only a little English signage other than that introducing the content of each room (traffic policing, criminal investigations, domestic and international police cooperation) it was actually rather interesting. I realize that people may call foul and say I do have the language, and you would be right, to an extent. My Chinese long ago boiled down to little more than “why do you want to go to America?” and I have practically given up on reading. I certainly do not have the vocabulary to read up on police procedures. And yet, the graphic photos of a Black Dahlia-like case, a stuffed police dog, and fish sewn up with drugs inside were fairly self explanatory.

C enjoys the rooftop cafe and viewing area at the Power Station of Art

I took advantage of another beautiful weekend day in Shanghai to drag C to the Power Station of Art, a contemporary art museum housed in the digs of a former power station on the west bank of the Huangpu River. Although I am not a fan of modern art by a long shot, the museum had its highlights. The use of the building architecture would be a plus. I love re-purposing buildings and retaining a lot of the old structure to create a new space. People watching too kept me busy — the museum was packed with a line out front, something I had not expected at all — and some of the hippest, most fashionable people of Shanghai were out in force. I even found several pieces that I liked! And yet the art installations of a block of 40-some black standing electric fans and the one of half empty paint cans, paint stained rags, and a half finished painted area had me scratching my head and wondering if I had taken a wrong turn and ended up in the supply cabinet.

On yet another day (I told you I was bucket listing — talk about action verb!) while C was in the care of the nanny I visited the Shanghai Railway Museum, the Duolun Cultural Street and the Lu Xun Memorial Park including the Lu Xun Museum and Mausoleum. I could hardly believe my luck with the weather — Shanghai wants me to see all of its places in the best way possible.

There is still more to see and still more to do before we leave. And there is still a bit more time to do it in. Just about 45 1/2 days, give or take a 1/2 day.

February 21, 2017 by trs

No G20 For Me (and Other Stories of Single Parenthood in the Foreign Service)

It has been a year and a half since I was approached to write an essay on being a single parent in the Foreign Service. That essay was a revelation for me. It made me reflect on, for the first time, what it meant to be both in the Foreign Service and a single parent. It also connected me with other single parents serving in the US government overseas as I sought out advice and other viewpoints for the essay.

About a year after the publication of the first essay I was again approached to write on the topic for another book. I had the option of just reprinting the original essay or updating. Initially I thought, not much has changed—I am still in the same location and my daughter had yet to start school—so what more could I write about? But then I thought about it and I realized I did not have to think all that hard to come up with more material.

keep-calm-and-single-mom-on One of the first new challenges came early in fall 2015 when I had to make the difficult choice to be medically evacuated to Singapore for several days without my then-3 year old daughter. I know, I know. I am still trying to come to terms with how that particular scenario came to pass. There was certainly pressure on me to leave her behind because it would be “easier” to do so, though easier for whom I never really understood. I initially fought to take her. I insisted that she would be included on my travel orders and I was successful. I then tried to find child care, which is what proved impossible. There was a high likelihood I would be hospitalized, though the time frame—maybe a few hours, maybe overnight, maybe a second night—was uncertain. Although there were several hotels in Singapore listed to have babysitting services, not only were they all the most expensive in the city-state and well above the government reimbursable rates, and while I would be hospitalized the hotel would not be covered anyway, but how do you arrange a sitter for an indeterminate amount of time? So instead her nanny stayed with her overnight three nights and two other single Foreign Service parents served as Power of Attorney, checking in on her and emailing me daily. It was not easy – I thought a lot about the fact I was separated from my young daughter not only for several days but also by international boundaries at least a five hour flight away. Now, I am not 100% sure of the right way through what happened but I know I will be a better advocate for us both should it happen again.

By the following summer I was presented with yet another challenge. The G-20 was coming to Hangzhou, China, within our Consular coverage area. Oh, how I wanted to volunteer to assist in any way I could. As a Foreign Service officer, assisting with such multi-national organizational meetings is part of what we do. As a political officer, particularly one who has yet to serve in a political position, it would mean so much more. And yet I had to be realistic.

In my original essay I had said something along the lines of it not being necessary for the single parent to put his or her hand up for every volunteer opportunity because their colleagues are not. I was wrong. Some of my colleagues were and are. Some of them seem to have inexhaustible reserves of time and energy. Many of those doing so are single without dependents, but not all of them. Many are also married and some have children. I cannot compete. But honestly I do not have to. I will not say it has been easy to come to terms with these limitations and to be strategic in what I volunteer for; it has not. But I stand by my original advice to be realistic with oneself, to set expectations, and to have a straightforward conversation with your supervisor. I may have missed out on the temporary duty opportunities to Hangzhou and India and Haiti and Ecuador and around China, but I found other meaningful and equally important ways to support our mission. And although I did not get a picture of myself with the US President, I did walk my daughter to preschool on her first day, something I would have missed if I had been at the G-20.

working-parent-ahead Preschool, that was my next test. My first experience with the preschool came in the form of the email requesting payment of tuition. The entire 17,000 RMB (US$2474) tuition and 1000 RMB (US$145) registration fee were to be paid in cash on one of two days between the hours of 9 and 9:30 AM. Although the letter noted that should someone be unable to pay the tuition on the stated days and times then one could notify the committee and they will try to make alternative arrangements. “Try” seemed the operative word – implying the parents who were unable to pay on those dates and times were inconveniencing the committee and it would be at the discretion of the committee to be accommodating. Wow.

Recently the preschool teacher sent out a message to all the parents to ask for volunteers to teach a cultural class each day for a week. The message went out on a Monday for classes two weeks later, after the Chinese New Year. I would have loved to have participated. Unfortunately, my job required me to submit my requested leave dates for the August 2016-February 2017 time period last June! It is not impossible to change, but it can be denied. This very issue nearly derailed my attempt to attend the preschool Christmas pageant when the date was abruptly changed two weeks beforehand despite being on the calendar the previous three and a half months.

I had expected to feel some pangs of jealousy missing out on a few school activities, but I have had other unexpected negative feelings. The very narrow and specific times to pay the tuition and the sudden rescheduling of the Christmas pageant (seemingly to accommodate the travel schedule of one parent on the preschool committee at the expense of others) felt at best just inflexible, based on some kind of outmoded idea of family. At worst…well, maybe I will leave that to your imagination? I am still working out how I feel, but one thing I did realize is that my experience in this area is not unique to single parenting, but is part of a broader challenge to working parents.

In all of this my daughter C and her friends are becoming more aware of differences in family structures. While trick-or-treating I overheard one of C’s school friends ask “How come you don’t have a dad?” And C, not yet 5 years old, responded matter-of-factly “I have a dad but he doesn’t live with us. He lives in Kentucky.” Although I will say that particular moment warmed my heart, I was feeling much less confident when just before the Christmas pageant she burst out crying because it would be the nanny and I attending not her father and I. The outburst came out of nowhere and hit me like a cast iron pan to the head. In these issues too I am not alone.

support-just-ahead Now I am in the middle of preparing to move us – myself, my daughter, our two cats, and our stuff – across three continents in a matter of four months, I am reminded again of the Herculean effort Foreign Service Officers put in to move themselves from Point A to Point B. That is not to say we have no help, but we do a surprising amount on our own. I am not going to say it is harder as a single parent – every FSO whether single, married, with children or some other permutation, has equal but different challenges.

Here though is where I circle around and mention again the connections I have made that have helped make single parenting in the Foreign Service easier (not easy, just easier). The affinity group myself and a colleague started has in just two years grown from a handful of members to over 80. That may not seem like much but it makes a difference to me and our members to know we are not single parenting in this career alone. Beyond a support group I have also found allies and advocates. These may be former single parents, those raised by single parents, or just plain awesome people who acknowledge my situation, support me, and lift me up. I have been extremely fortunate at my current post where I not only serve with other single parents but also have received friendship and encouragement from two former single parents and seven, yes, SEVEN colleagues who came forward to tell me they were raised by single parents. And they became diplomats!

Of course there is more to come! Childcare while I am training in DC remains a challenge without resolution. And soon enough we will arrive in a new country where I will start a new job, need to find a new nanny, and C starts kindergarten. Whew. At least so far, so good.

January 28, 2017 by trs

I Hope They Have Cheese

I have to be quite honest here, grocery shopping in Shanghai is pretty great. I want for few things. It is China after all, where they manufacture and grow just about everything under the sun. That is not to say you may not miss some things. For example if you are a die hard fan of Trader Joe’s or Amy’s Enchiladas or the shrimp and avocado sushi rolls they make at the deli at Whole Foods, then you are gonna have to do without. But with a few adjustments you can find most of the things you need and want. Sure, sometimes you might pay through the nose for your must-have items (see my earlier post) and other times you might have to set aside some of your food safety and security concerns.

I generally shop at four supermarkets, all within a half mile radius of my apartment. The one I patronize the most is the City Shop supermarket located in the basement of my apartment complex. Located in one of the swankest addresses in town (voted several years running as one of the top serviced apartment complexes in the city), the prices are not going to be the most competitive, but I am all about paying a little extra for convenience. And being able to stop in on my walk home, or during lunch, or a quick visit before the nanny heads home (i.e. without my daughter) is worth the extra money to me. I will also go with my daughter. They have child-sized shopping carts so the kids can help out, which C generally loves to do. They also sell, right next to the front cash register, medium-sized jars filled with water, plants, and tiny fish that serve as mini aquariums or a bunch of cheap plastic kids toys with candy — either of these items will keep my daughter entertained while I shop. And when all else fails (i.e. C opts to roam free at the supermarket — though not in the fish tank aisle, which she is afraid of because sometimes the shrimp jump out of the tanks), I know my daughter is safe there as all the staff know her.

The Olé fruit section is a thing of beauty

Once or twice a month we head across the street to the Olé supermarket. This place is so swank that they have an accent over the “e” in Ole. Reportedly some 70% of their items are imported and their places reflect that. If I buy a single can of Diet Coke at City Shop it costs me 2.5 RMB (US$ 0.36) but I can get what appears to be an identical can at Olé for 9 RMB (US$1.30) because it is imported from South Korea. Still their fruit section is dazzling. I may not want to spend 80-100 RMB (US$12 to $14.50) for a few pints of raspberries or some white cherries, but sometimes I like to look at them stacked up beautifully in the section and wonder about the people who do. There are times though that City Shop’s fruit section is sometimes wanting and a trip across the street will mean acquiring the strawberries or pomegranates I know are in season. Olé also has this super-delish Italian-imported vanilla gelato made with Madagascan vanilla bean that makes my heart leap. I do not often eat ice cream, but when I do, I forever want it to be this kind of creamy goodness. Olé also has better seasonal – i.e. Halloween and Christmas – selections when those times of year roll around. C sees heading to Olé as a real treat – she often asks at odd times, like 9 PM at night, to go to the “across the street supermarket” because they have carts in the shape of cars and sell miniature hot dogs baked in bread. Dreamy.

Then on the rare occasion I also shop at Pines, a mom-and-pop kind of enterprise that tends to have imported goodies you can find no where else. I have found Country Kitchen pancake syrup, Betty Crocker cake mix, and some Chef Boyardee. OK. I realize that some people might have just balked at calling these “goodies” but it is all a matter of perspective and upbringing. For me, these preservatives in a bottle/box/can remind me of my childhood and America. I do not buy them often, but sometimes I feel better knowing they are available if and when I want them. There is also a supermarket in the basement of the Westgate shopping center (梅龙镇广场 or Plum Dragon Town Square if you were to translate it directly), where the U.S. Consulate visa section is located. It is part of the Isetan Department Store and so has lots of Japanese imports. Fruits are often astronomically expensive but so perfectly beautiful that at some price points I cannot help but buy.

A Trader Joes/Whole Foods-kind of experience at Hunter Gatherer

There are also tons of little family run stores, often for fruits and vegetables. Urumuqi North Street is one not too far away that has dozens of these along its length, including the famous “Avocado Lady.” If I happen to be walking back from the main Consulate building, located on the same street, I will pop in for some bargain priced locally-produced fruit. Some people make an effort to head out to wet markets to buy their produce. If you scroll up to paragraph two you will note that I shop very close to home. Some might say I am lazy but really I am just a time-strapped working single mom who chooses time-saving proximity to less time conscious bargain-hunting (!). Wet markets also tend to be places where one can buy “fresh” meat, sometimes so fresh it is still alive, and live seafood. C does not just avoid the seafood aisle of our City Shop due to spontaneously jumping shrimp, but because she also has a history of sudden, um, illness when she sees crabs, lobsters, and such. Not really my idea of fun.

There are also other grocery experiences for those who want something different. Hunter Gatherer is an organic, farm-to-table, restaurant/grocery or a “seed-to-table ecosystem that serves and celebrates real food” according to their website. In addition to store shopping you can also order online at one of numerous places like Kate & Kimi, Fields, and Epermarket. I used to do the online grocery shopping and delivery when I lived in Washington, DC as a childless hipster. (Okay, when I was childless because I do not think anyone would have ever called me a hipster) However, I was really slow to catch on in Shanghai. While I had colleagues who had ordered their first grocery delivery within a week of arrival it took me, oh, I don’t know, 18 months? I received an online invite to join in the grocery delivery revolution, and all I had to do was order my first order and I would receive a welcome basket of seasonal veggies for free. I ordered something like 250 RMB (US$36.20) of groceries to give it a go. Imagine my surprise when they were not only delivered on time but the box of free stuff was enormous!

The free welcome box! It contained a bag of potatoes, a bunch of eggplant, a box of tomatoes, a box of mushrooms, a box of carrots, 2 ears of corn, 2 avocados, 2 bell peppers, 1 zucchini, 1 head of broccoli, and 1 pumpkin!!

Shopping in Shanghai is not always bliss. Although I prefer to head to one supermarket each one has special things that the others do not. One will have Japanese soy bean rice crackers. Another will have frozen raspberries. A third will have Tartare, the French cream cheese with fine herbs. Yet another will have Tostitos. Or at least they will some of the time. There is always the chance that a store that has a favorite import today will not have it tomorrow or next week or maybe ever again.

About six months into our time in Shanghai, C and I are on one of our trips visiting Olé when C spies a box of chocolate Lucky Charms. She has never had them before but declares suddenly she must have them. I am reluctant to spend US$12 on a box of cereal she might only eat two bites of, but I find myself buying it anyway. She loves it. I buy a second box. She wants to eat it for breakfast every day. I go to buy another box, they do not have anymore. Not that week, or the next, or months after that. I buy a couple of boxes while on Medevac and again on R&R and bring them back in our suitcases. Friends bring a few boxes when they visit. But I do not find it at my supermarkets again.

Where did the rest of the cheese go? Evidence of the beginning of the Great Cheese Shortage of 2015

There was also the Great Cheese Shortage of 2015, followed by another Lesser Cheese Shortage of 2016. It was the first that prompted me to first consider writing a blog post about grocery shopping in Shanghai with this title. It was right around the National Day. In mid-September the once full shelves of cheese began to empty out. Little by little the good, imported cheese was gone leaving only “cheese” cheese — you know, the kind of cheese that has to be put into parentheses. I took the photo above of the limited cheese selection and another of a depleted imported processed meats section and a supermarket employee tried to stop me. Seriously? Yes, seriously. I was approached and told to stop taking pictures and she tried to swipe my phone. I guess the Great Cheese Shortage was supposed to be kept under wraps, not shared with the outside world. But now you know.

I cannot remember how long the cheese shortage lasted either year but they did not appear to be isolated incidents because the cheese selection diminished in all the shops I frequented. This past year I thought I might circumvent the shortage and order my cheese from Epermarket, only to find that they too reported that the items I wished for were currently out of stock. Yet eventually the stocks returned and appeared even more bountiful than before. Huge bags of Monterey Jack cut into cubes for the ridiculous price of US$20. I will leave you wondering if I bought them or not.

It has taken me far longer to get around to writing this particular post than I had anticipated. And here I am nearing my time in Shanghai. This puts things into perspective. I know how good we have had it here. I am ready to have some extended time back in the US during home leave and training to get my fill of all those food items I have missed and a good ole US of A prices, not high-import-taxes prices. But then we head to Malawi and I think about what might be in store (or not in store, get it?) for us there. I have heard about some food shortages that make my complaints here seem especially petty. I am really not sure what to expect, but I still hope they have cheese.

January 15, 2017 by trs

100 Days and Counting (Shanghai)

First, a little something about the title. It is actually now less than 100 days until I depart Shanghai but I thought the title Less Than 100 Days was nowhere near as catchy. And if the title were 90 Days and Counting* then I would not be able to use this cool graphic I found. Besides I thought of the title 100 Days and Counting just before it was actually 100 days, liked it, and am therefore am sticking with it.

Regardless of the title, the fact is clear: OH MY GOODNESS I HAVE LESS THAN 100 DAYS LEFT IN SHANGHAI!! Um, excuse me. I panicked for a little bit there. <throat clearing> I mean <in my most diplomatic voice> I have precious little time to do the host of things necessary before I depart this post. It is just that it caught me off guard. I received the handshake for my next post (Malawi) in early November. In mid November I began looking at the training I need. In late November my HR Assignment Officer contacted me to confirm the months of my departure from Shanghai and arrival in Malawi and suggest probable training. Improbably, just a few days later in early December I was approved (“paneled”) for the position and received the official cable notifying me of my transfer. I reached out to the incumbent to learn of his projected departure date. I reached out to my next post to lay out some options for my arrival. Then went on vacation to Mauritius.

Then suddenly it is January 2017 and it hits me: this year is going to be one crazy roller coaster. Three and a half months in Shanghai. Then three and a half months in the US divided between home leave and training. Two intercontinental travel days in which time is suspended. And five months in Malawi. Yep, one crazy roller coaster and I am already strapped into the car rolling out of the station.

Wait, I want to get off!

First is the Shanghai portion, the 100 days. And in that time all I have to do is organize getting myself, my daughter, our two pets and all our stuff from Post A (Shanghai) to Post B (Lilongwe) via home leave and training at the Foreign Service Institute. Oh, if only it were so easy. Naturally it is on top of my regular full time work. It is as if I have acquired a second, part time job.

I am by no means alone in this; I know my situation is not unique. There are Foreign Service Officers all over the world preparing to transfer this summer. While it is comforting that the majority of us will get it done, it does not make this process any easier. I often find myself lying awake at night fervently hoping that I will love living and working in Malawi so that I can extend and put off this next time I take part in this fabulous migration activity. Geez, if I just kinda like my job I will do what I can to prolong my tour and postpone the next PCS (Permanent Change of Station). I daydream about what it must be like to have an adult EFM (eligible family member) to be my partner in move preparation. (Applications currently available. No deadline. Rolling acceptance. Open until filled)

Just this week I did the following: Completed and submitted my proposed travel itinerary from Shanghai to Malawi and in-between. Filled out and emailed registration forms for my daughter’s school in Malawi. Filled out the paperwork to renew my daughter’s medical clearance. Scheduled a doctor’s appointment for my daughter in relation to her 5 year old well appointment. Contacted the State Department lodging office regarding housing during my training and secured a reservation. Completed and submitted the housing and community questionnaire for Malawi. Secured child care for my daughter for the week that I am in training in West Virginia. Firmed up my reservations with a friend at Walt Disney World for during our home leave. A great start, but it barely scratches the surface.

There are vaccinations. Plane tickets. Check-ups and exit paperwork and plane reservations for the cats. Figuring out the buying of a car in Japan and getting it to Malawi and financing that whole shebang. Child care for during the rest of my training in Arlington. More home leave planning. Organizing our stuff into what we leave behind, what we give away, what we put in the suitcases, and the UAB (unaccompanied air baggage) that will be delivered during training, and the HHE (household effects) that we will not see again until Malawi.

You know. Just a few things.

Do you know what you are eating for the next 90 days? I do. And this is not even all of it because all of it would be even more embarrassing.

And I mentioned this before this is of course on top of my regular job and all the other regular life kind of things. Like filing my taxes. Completing my one year work evaluation- due April 15 just like the taxes. And organizing my daughter’s 5th birthday party this month. And sleeping. I have had a bit of trouble with that last one of late so I think it important to remind myself it is something I should be doing.

I think the biggest shock to my system regarding how much time we have left was when I opened my cabinets at the very beginning of the month. From the huge amount of food items I saw staring back at me I knew I had been in denial for awhile. Why in the world did I buy myself another box of cereal and more of my breakfast smoothie mix just before Mauritius when the other packages were nearly done? Seriously? I already had 20 packs of instant oatmeal too. And peanut butter. I seem to have A LOT of peanut butter (not pictured because you do not need to see that kind of thing). Guess what the kids at C’s birthday party are going to be eating? PB&J sandwiches for everyone! (eat up kids and take the extras home)

Finally, I have to prepare to say goodbye to Shanghai, our home for the past two plus years. This is where C went from being a 3 year old, a newly minted “preschooler” to a 5 year old ready to begin Kindergarten at our next post. She has gone from saying “hello” and “watermelon” in Chinese to having full on Mandarin conversations with the nanny. I too have grown a lot in these two years at work and as a mom. We have lived here and Shanghai is a part of us. Also, I still have things left on the bucket list because are just too many things to see and do in this city! Ok, Shanghai, just stop being so chock full of activities already. I cannot keep up.

And all of it has to be done in this first quarter of the year. Whew.

The late afternoon view from my apartment yesterday. How am I to say goodbye to this?

*In reality there there are only 88 days and counting as of today. It took me 12 days to get my sh*t together to write this. And I was committed to this title I tell you.

January 9, 2017 by trs

Mauritius for Christmas

Even if you have never heard of Mauritius or are not quite sure where it is, you have probably heard of its most famous bird, the Dodo. Yes, the large hapless, flightless bird extinct since the 17th century is a symbol of the island country. It is on their coat of arms, their currency, their postage, and tourist maps. Yet there is so much more to this crowded tiny island nation.

A major feature of Northwest Mauritius is the Moka Mountain range featuring Pieter Both Mountain, the island’s second largest peak with a large rock perched on top

I was giddy with excitement as C and I headed to the airport to begin our trip to Mauritius. This trip had been long in the making–when some three years before a FS friend of mine learned her second post would be to the island nation. Initially we were to visit our first Christmas in Shanghai but an unexpected addition to KB’s family meant we had to place our trip on hold for another year. But at last it was time for our trip and for the first time in what seemed a very long time I would be etching a new country into my travel belt.

Mauritius might seem a long way to go for vacation and honestly before my friend was posted there I had not given much thought to visiting. Once in Shanghai though it seemed that the former Isle de France was the place to go given the number of billboards advertising Air Mauritius flights around where I lived. On the visa line, even the applicants with little foreign travel might list Mauritius among their international destinations alongside South Korea, Thailand, Vietnam, and the Maldives. It was destiny.

One of our first views of Mauritius

We landed at 7 am. Yes, 7 am. Almost immediately I was given a lesson in island patience. While on the plane, the Air Mauritius flight attendants had given out the immigration landing cards. Unfortunately they did not have enough for everyone on the plane and we were two of the unlucky ones. No problem, the flight attendants assured us, we could get them before immigration. Except they were out too. It was maddening to see almost no line for immigration and yet be unable to do anything because no forms were available. Several of us waylaid an official-looking person but he too seemed perplexed by our situation and asked yet another person to locate the forms. It took about 20 minutes for someone to return with forms in hand and we swarmed around him. He had only 7 to 10 forms and there were more than 10 people waiting. I decided this was not the time to be polite and grabbed two forms from his hand. I filled them out quickly and vowed to not look back at those who were left behind. I had a vacation to get started!

C and M enjoy the crystal clear waters of Grand Baie

We were picked up at the airport by a driver arranged by KB and then whisked off to the other side of the island, a whole hour and change away. We slept most of the way. Then we arrived at KB’s home and were immediately welcomed by the family. We had an easy day. First KB and I sat by the pool and talked as the kids swam. Then we took the kids to the Beach House Restaurant for lunch. As we drove into Grand Baie and I caught sight of the water for the first time I gasped. Wow. The Beach House is located right on the bay and as we waited for our meal (the service was on island time so we waited quite awhile) the kids frolicked on the beach and in the shallow warm waters. The afternoon involved more play time for the kids and then we attended a birthday party for a local boy.

On our second day KB, myself and the kids drove from the northwest to the southwest (again a whole hour to cross the island!) for a day at the Casela Nature Park, a mix of zoo, petting farm, and activity park. There is quite a lot to do at the park, but much of it, like walking with lions, driving ATVs, riding horses or camels, or ziplining, were for those aged well above 4 or 5 years old and thus not on our agenda. Still, the kids enjoyed watching the 4D movies (well, 2 of the 3 kids did) seeing the birds, feeding the bunnies (not so much the rather aggressive deer), seeing tortoises, feeding the giraffes and playing on the playground. We still managed to spend nearly 5 hours at the zoo (nearly 45 minutes of it in the line for a shuttle bus from the giraffes back to the main park. Major fail.). That evening KB showed us around La Croisette, one of the few true shopping malls in the country sporting one of only two cinemas on the island.

The Chateau de Labourdonnais – this just does not do it justice.

The third day began with KB and I leaving the kids with KB’s extremely amenable husband while she and I indulged in some mommy only massages. We then picked up the kids and headed to Labourdonnais, a 19th century sugar mill and estate restored to a museum, garden, and working orchard. We all had lunch first at a lovely cafe adjacent to the grounds and then KB insisted she would take all the kids through the gardens so I could have an hour of peace to visit the chateau museum. (I am SO grateful) Then after some waiting (with some very impatient small children) we all took the toy train through the orchards. Following the Chateau our next stop was the L’Aventure du Sucre Sugar Museum and Factory. As you may begin to guess sugar production has a long and checkered history in Mauritius. The sweet stuff has been manufactured there since 1696 and remains the country’s second largest export today (after processed fish)! So the history of sugar is intertwined with the island’s history. The museum makes great use of its space in an old sugar factory. Informative displays of sugar’s role in the history and economy of the island wind around actual gears and boilers and the chimney, all part of the production of this important crop.

Our fourth day started with a glass bottom boat adventure in Grand Baie with KB’s husband and the three kids. (KB gets sea sick easily and sat this activity out). Then KB and I escaped again to have a just friends (sans kids) lunch and then we headed to Goodlands for some shopping in a colorful Indian bazaar (the majority ethnic group is Indo-Mauritian, making up 68% of the population) and a visit to the Shipmodels Factory and Museum. We returned in time to collect C for a late afternoon photo shoot on the beach with a talented local photographer and then the whole lot of us had dinner at Luigi’s, reportedly the best Italian restaurant on the island.

A worker puts some finishing touches on a model ship

The following day we said farewell to KB and her family and we headed back across the island to pick up a rental car at the airport. It was a little hard to find my rental car as I had apparently booked with the one company that does not have an office at the airport (OLA) and I spent 30 minutes wandering around until I found a guy with a sign. We followed him to the parking lot where he did the paperwork in the trunk of the car. But it was a car, it looked good, it had a child seat included, and so I rolled with it. Immediately I was reminded that I would be driving on the left hand side of the road as I backed out of the parking space and ran over the curb. I did manage to get us out of the parking lot and to the hotel, all of a mile away. Once checked in and fed I got us back out on the road and on our way to La Vanille Nature Park.

It was an adventure being on the road with only a basic tourist map with a bunch of squiggly lines that I hoped approximated true roads. We drove through several small towns that presented challenges to driving–two lane roads with no shoulder, no sidewalks, just a couple of feet to the residences and businesses. Along the sides of the road people walked, sometimes two or three abreast, others pedaled old bicycles weaving like drunks, dogs trotted without a care in the world. Buses stopped with little warning and little room to pull over. Delivery trucks and people stopping at stores or to talk to a friend did the same. Every turn I tried to make, I first turned on the windshield wipers. And road signs tended to announce a turn just feet before I needed to make it. It is a wonder I found the park at all!.

And when not passing through a town these are the roads of Mauritius. Lovely but no indication of where you are or where you are going. Yet amazing for a country with one of the world’s highest population densities to have open areas like this

I think La Vanille was originally just a crocodile park and then a crocodile and tortoise park and now it is a Nature Park because they added a few other animals like some Indonesian deer, some sad Indonesian macaque monkeys, and reportedly some mongoose and lemurs although their enclosures appeared empty. Still, I am not a crocodile fan the giant tortoises were great. Their enclosure was large, you could feed them, and kids under 10 were allowed to sit on large, resting ones. It is also a breeding facility and they have extensive information on their program and animals of all ages from egg to likely nearing 100 years. C especially liked this part and the pony rides in the petting zoo. The funny part was the tour bus loads of 40-60 year old visitors. Something just seemed odd about that — the lack of children visitors.

The following day I was pretty worn out by my Mauritius driving experience and bored by our food choices at the hotel. So I came up with a plan to head to La Bagatelle, the largest mall in the country and then the nearby Eureka creole plantation house. But I missed the exit. I figured I would turn around at the next roundabout, but there were no more. So instead I just kept going and ended up at Le Caudan waterfront in Port Louis. It seems to be the shopping and restaurant district in the capital. After I figured out not only how to get there but to also park in the crowded parking garage (yay me!), we had lunch, a stroll along the waterfront, and visited the Blue Penny Museum, so named after one of the most famous, rare, and valuable stamps in the world, and the first to be issued in Mauritius. Like the Sugar Factory Museum, the Blue Penny presents the cultural and economic history of Mauritius, tying it to the history of a product and a service — the postal system. It is a small but lovely museum — just the right size to visit with a 4, almost 5, year old.

On December 23rd I struggled with trying again to find the Eureka plantation as it would be closed on the 24th and 25th, or a visit to the Chamarel area. I went with the latter. Things started off rocky as I drove through the same town Plaine Magnien a good 5 times. I cannot exactly explain why. Every turn I made, every time around a roundabout, it all led to that darn town. I started to sing a made-up song about the town that would not let us go in order to calm my nerves (and keep me from just giving up and driving back to the hotel) and to amuse C in the back seat. It worked because once I started singing I finally figured out what I was doing wrong. And then we drove through several more really small towns. For what seemed like forever. At long last I saw a turn off for the Bois Cheri tea plantation and factory. It seemed a good place to stop.

A view of the Bois Cheri plantation from the hilltop restaurant

Bois Cheri is the island’s first tea plantation, established in 1892. Tea is the country’s second major crop, after sugar. A visit to Bois Cheri includes a visit to a small museum, a tour of the factory (interesting enough for a 4, almost 5, year old!), and a tea tasting. It was just the stop I needed before getting back in the car and driving on to Chamarel. At long last we arrived. I had begun to suspect the whole thing was an elaborate joke on tourists. Honestly, the whole purpose of driving all this way is to visit the 7 Colored Earth of Chamarel, and some of the reviews I had read online had warned me of the likely disappointment. But perhaps since I had rather low expectations I found the place larger and prettier than I had imagined. But the drive back was longer and less fun than I expected. I joked with friends online that I had driven through every small town in the south with the hashtag #leavenotownunseen. It sure felt like it.

Sir Seewoosagur Ramgoolam Botanical Garden

Christmas Eve we drove to the far north of the island to meet up with RS and her son K who previously served in Shanghai and are now in South Africa. (RS is also a single mom in the Foreign Service and is awesome). I had thought we might visit them from Malawi but when I found out just days before our departure that they too would be in Mauritius it was too much of an opportunity to pass up. My plan was to visit the National Botanical Garden on the way up — I checked my phone before heading out and it was supposed to take about 30 minutes to get to the Garden. Um, yeah. Nearly two hours later I gave up and just headed toward RS’s hotel. And just for fairness sake I made sure to drive through every small town on the north of the island. C and K were thrilled to have some time to play and as they frolicked in the pool, at lunch, and in the room RS and I had a chance to catch up. Luckily enough on the drive back I quite easily found the botanical gardens (you know, Murphy’s Law).

Our last day was Christmas. With a late flight back we took full advantage of a late check out and just binge watched the Disney Channel, as one does. Then I realized I had lost C’s one pair of pants and we were heading back to winter. Oh no! I cannot seem to go on vacation anymore without losing something and I did not want 1. my child to freeze and 2. to face the hard stares and tut-tutting disapproval of the Chinese mom mafia when they see my child without pants. Don’t worry, I improvised. Shorts but a pair of the Air Mauritius in-flight socks pulled up to her thighs. Yeah, I’m smart. I’m no dodo. (see what I did there?)

December 10, 2016 by trs

Visitors to Shanghai- At Last!

Shanghai shows off for my visitors

I will let you in on a secret: Most Foreign Service families relish having friends and family visit them. I know this is true because one thing that is always taken into consideration when bidding on the next assignment is if it is a place people will want to visit. I am not sure why it is a secret but I have found and heard from others it is difficult to get people to visit us. I get it. Foreign Service families are posted all over the world, in some far away and challenging places. It can take a lot of planning and money to get to where we are and not everyone has the means or the inkling to travel the way we do.

So when family members or friends make the trek out to see us – especially if we happen to live somewhere other than Western Europe – it is pretty exciting. We get to show you our life abroad. Our apartment. Maybe our office. Our local supermarket. And all the wonderful, horrible, crazy, fun, fabulous aspects of our new city/country.

Therefore imagine my level of excitement that friends were coming to visit me in Shanghai! After 20 months in country I would finally have my first guests. It is a little hard to believe that I had more visitors to Ciudad Juarez (my mother for three weeks, my aunt and uncle for a week, and my sister for one night over from El Paso so she could say she spent the night in one of the most dangerous cities in the world) than Shanghai. My mother had planned to come, my aunt too, and my other sister and her family considered it, but none had come. My friends D&D had booked a trip but my Medevac back to the US last October/November put the kibosh on that. Yet finally, after some 265 days in the preparation stage visitors were here!

My visitors: My friend CZ, whom I have known 24 years, nearly a quarter of a century (!), and who is also a single mother, her 2 year old son Little C, and CZ’s older friend PK, whom I met in May 2015 and who wanted to visit China to fulfill a childhood dream. My visitors would spend a week in Shanghai and a week in Beijing, with C and I joining for three days of the Beijing portion. I am generally into organizing and planning my holidays/vacations, but given our motley crew including yours truly I developed only ideas of activities, and just hoped all would go well.

On the first day, October 1, I took everyone the few blocks up the street to Jing’An temple. As it was the Chinese National Day, entrance to the temple was free and it seemed that at least half of Shanghai’s 24 million residents were stopping by. Crowded is an understatement. We headed to the park across the street from the temple where we found the other half of the 24 million were milling around. And that was all we managed that day.

Which is more impressive? Three of the world’s tallest buildings or a pollution-free day in Shanghai?

Our second day we were blessed with a glorious National Day weekend blue-sky, almost as blindingly wonderful as G-20 Blue. We decided on a hop on hop off sightseeing bus and parked ourselves at the stop in front of the hotel in my complex. And there we sat and sat and sat for about 30 minutes until I suggested we hail a taxi to stop #1. The bus is a great idea for people with kids – ride around the city, looking at the sights and listen to commentary. Except that since kids under 5 are free they do not provide kids with headphones (though who am I kidding? As if a 2 and 4 year old are gonna listen to the history of Shanghai, but it might have entertained them for 5 minutes. Okay 3.), and the bus just sat at stops waiting longer than it spent driving, and the commentary recording kept skipping or just played a Spanish sounding dance track, which seemed just a little strange. We got off the bus at the Bund, the second go around (in order to enjoy the commentary one full way around, though “enjoy” might be a strong word), so we could transfer to another line to head over the river to Pudong for our river boat tour. At the Bund we bought sandwiches and the kids threw a delightful fit over ice cream. Once on the bus we drove over to Pudong. That is literally all the bus did. No stops. No commentary. Just a high speed zip over to the land of Shanghai’s tallest skyscrapers. On the open top of the bus I saw my life flash before my eyes as the driver careened around the loop onto and off the bridge.

To get to our boat trip we had to disembark the large bus, wait around in front of the Shanghai landmark Disney store with sightseeing company staff (waiting in front of a Disney store with children and not being able to go is really fun!), then board a shuttle bus to drive us several blocks, then walk down stairs, and across planks, and then up and down a few more stairs to our boat. Years ago, in 2002 in fact, when I took a tour on the Huangpu River, it was on a large vessel, maybe the size of a paddle steamer? This time however imagine my surprise when we find a midsize cabin cruiser that comfortably seats about 20 with both upper and lower decks. That hour cruise was bliss. The kids were happy. The view was wonderful.

The Arts & Crafts museum, like a mini White House, in a renovated 1905 French Concession home, and some of the beautiful crafts on display

Every day something seemed to not work out right. PK really wanted to see the Shanghai Arts & Crafts museum and CZ and I agreed to visit with the kids as information online suggested it was child-friendly. It was a little hard to find but turned out to be a pleasant hour long distraction. However then PK wanted to visit the Blue Nankeen Exhibition Hall, which was several blocks away but not really for kids. We did it but emotions were starting to run high. Another day we took a half day tour to the water town of Zhujiajiao, the closest of the Venice-like towns to Shanghai. The tour bus arrived late. Water towns of narrow stone pathways and stone step bridges are not stroller-friendly. It started to rain. And once again it seemed a good portion of the Shanghai population had planned to visit the exact same place. The return bus trip took over an hour longer than expected due to traffic. I had such high hopes this would be a chance to see the most traditional of Chinese vistas while visiting Shanghai, but it felt like far too much work.

It looks beautiful. But pushing our way through the crowd was a struggle.

On our last day together in Shanghai I opted for a mommy and daughter day just with C. I had been prepared for another day with my guests but at the last minute I pulled out; I felt too strongly that we all needed a break from each other. C and I headed to Pudong for a trip up the mega-skyscraper Shanghai Tower, currently the world’s second tallest building (the first being Dubai’s Burj Khalifa, which C and I have also visited), but the world’s tallest building by usable floor–floor 127! Afterwards we had a nice mommy and daughter lunch and then a visit to one of C’s favorite shopping destinations — the Disney Store. It was just the kind of day we needed, all of us, and that night we were all able to share the stories of our respective adventures.

It might have been a cloudy day but the view from the top was still amazing

Then we took our show on the road.

I cannot explain some of the following decisions. One, waking up at the crack of dawn to take a 7 am flight to Beijing. Two, my friends and I booked different airlines in order to get miles on our respective chosen airline partners. Yet at some point it must have seemed like a really good idea. The problem is we landed at two different terminals. In most airports that would not be an issue, but in Beijing Terminal 2 and Terminal 3 are located FIVE miles apart. It took nearly 30 minutes to get from one to the other, while C and I were on one shuttle bus, PK, CZ and Little C were on a shuttle bus in the opposite direction.

Luckily we all made a decision at some point to stop looking for each other at the airport and just head to the hotel. Just a few kilometers we hit Beijing’s notorious traffic and we sat at a standstill for 30 minutes. Eventually we reunited at the hotel. To think the original plan had been to arrive early, leave our things at the hotel and pack 2 kids under 5 off for a several hour tour of the Forbidden City. Yeah, I am still trying to wrap my head around what I might possibly have been thinking. It was raining, the kids were tired, we were all tired and hungry. We took a deep breath, had lunch and rested. In the afternoon, after the rain stopped we took a stroll down to Tian’an Men, where we took photos of all the Chinese taking photos of our kids in front of the gate where Mao’s portrait hangs.

The kids enjoy Jingshan Park and C makes climbing the Great Wall look like child’s play (Follow the arrow to find C)

Our last two days things started to turn around. The sun came out and the air quality index stayed low. Sure our plan to visit Jingshan Park (the once imperial garden behind the Forbidden City) AND the Temple of Heaven meant we only visited the first and then called it a day. On our last day we were again graced with blue skies. We had a tour guide, Glenn, whom a colleague of mine had recommended, pick us up at the hotel and drive us to the Great Wall at Mutianyu. I thought back to the Wall of 1994, that was not a place I would take a small child. But now it is possible. We took the cable car up to Watchtower 14 (a cable car!) and then walked to Watchtower 6. The kids did great with the help of snacks, drinks, plenty of breaks, and the great help of Glenn the Guide. At Watchtower 6 CZ and I rode double toboggans down with our kids. Back in 1994 I remember my much younger and fitter self slogging down stairs on wobbly legs — the toboggan is the best way to descend for sure. At the base we all enjoyed a well deserved pizza, yet another thing that was not available back in the day (the few pizzas available my first time in China certainly left much to be desired).

As C and I said goodbye to our friends to head back to Shanghai, I had much to reflect on. The visit certainly had not gone anywhere according to plan, and it was so much harder and exhausting than I had anticipated, yet I am so glad for the chance to have welcomed friends to my current hometown at last.

November 27, 2016 by trs

Disney for the Holidays, Shanghai Style

Shanghai Disneyland begins decorating for Christmas

I am a convert.

As a child I liked Disney well enough. I liked the movies, the songs, the Happy Meal tie-in toys. But it was not until I had my child, and really since we moved to Shanghai knowing the newest park would open here, that I came to love Disney. Since moving to Shanghai we have visited Disney parks in Florida, Hong Kong, California, and Shanghai. I am already planning to visit Disney World again on my next home leave, and I know at some point we will get to Tokyo and Paris. We move next to Malawi, which is a long way from any Disney park and yet…Paris is the R&R point for Malawi and my daughter already talks of Paris–two of her favorite Disney movies, The Aristocats and Ratatouille, are set there.

Right now my daughter is at an age where Disney is particularly magical and I am so grateful to be in Shanghai at this time and to be able to give her these experiences. I do not acknowledge it enough, but we are extraordinarily blessed to live this lifestyle. And here we are living someplace we can reach a Disney park within 75 minutes of leaving our apartment. Just over an hour door to door.

Part of the Shanghai Disneytown Halloween decorations

Back in June we had our first two experiences with Shanghai Disney during the trial opening period. We had a really fun time. I had been plotting our return for some time.

The next chance came – Disneytown, the free retail and dining area outside of the park, held a Halloween Carnival the last weekends of the month. Things were pretty busy in October for me and the weather left so much to be desired (wet and overcast); however, on October 29 the weather cooperated — cool and overcast but not raining–we would make the trip.

We would be there too early for the parade and trick or treating would only happen on the 31st (a work day), but we enjoyed the decorations, the photo booth, and the shopping. C just likes any excuse to go into the World of Disney or LEGO store. Me, I like just about any excuse to eat at the Cheesecake Factory. It is the first location of the popular chain in Asia. Since it’s opening in Disneytown I have eaten there 5 times (on every visit to Shanghai Disney)–I think that is more times than I have ever eaten at the restaurant in the US! At 4 pm C and I caught a Disney Halloween stage show complete with appearances by Mickey and Minnie. I saw very little of the show due to the size of the crowd, but C on my shoulders claims to have seen it and pronounced it “great!”

The Lion King in Mandarin is riveting

A few weeks after Halloween a friend suggested a mommy/daughter date to see the Lion King. The first ever Mandarin-language production of the stage musical is currently shown exclusively at the Shanghai Disneyland resort theater located in Disneytown and in November tickets were discounted 30% to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the Broadway show. C and I met ST and her daughter M outside the theater. C had not seen the movie (it is currently in the Disney vault and I am not willing to shell out the $104 the DVD is currently selling for on Amazon) but I had explained the plot line. Well as much as I could explain such a thing to a 4 year old, especially since I too had not seen the production in over 10 years. And it would be in Chinese. Though C takes Chinese at her preschool and talks daily in the language with her nanny, I am never quite sure how much she understands. I should not have worried. The show transcends language and C seemed to understand enough, asking me a few pointed questions during the performance, but loved it enough to clap loudly, cheer, and be found humming the songs since. We finished up our day with, no surprise here, a late lunch at the Cheesecake Factory.

For Thanksgiving we, along with several of my colleagues, made our way out to Disney to enjoy the holiday. We arrived on the Wednesday evening so we could enjoy two nights at the Toy Story Hotel. I bought only a single day park ticket for C and I while the others bought two day passes.

Left: The entrance to the hotel. Center: Woody and Bullseye great us on the seventh, and top, floor. Right: A view of our comfy and fun room.

I loved the hotel. All the little accents like the giant marbles used to decorate the front of the front and concierge desks, the Slinky Dog drawing on the ceiling light in the room, the Toy Story character inspired carpets, and the giant ABC blocks that served as pillars outside the main entrance. It was whimsy and fun, just as Disney should be. I also had the best sleep I had had in over a week.

We pay homage to Woody and Bullseye at the hotel before heading to the park for a rootin’ tootin’ time

A cold random Thursday in November meant the park was not at capacity. We lucked out that the fierce wind, overcast skies, and occasional rain of the day before gave way to blue skies and sun. It was still a chilly 38 degrees in the morning, but it warmed to 50 for most of the daylight hours. C and I met our friends at the park entrance and headed together to ride Soaring Over the Horizon, only a 30 minute wait. I have heard the video in Shanghai has now become the gold standard and is now in all the parks with this ride (Epcot and Disney California Adventure). C was now tall to ride and she quickly declared it her favorite (“Mom, let’s go ride it again next week!) After Soarin’ my friends sans children (i.e. everyone but me) headed off to Tron and Pirates and other adult favorites while C and I headed to Fantasyland to ride the Hunny Pot Spin and Peter Pan’s Flight, with only a 5 minute and 20 minute wait respectfully.

We had lunch at our usual spot in Tomorrowland. Unfortunately for me the park does not sell Diet Coke but rather Pepsi Max and the only place to buy it is in the Stargazer Grill. Yet it was warm. Why? Because Chinese people do not like to drink cold beverages in the cold. Sigh. I asked how many Chinese people even buy diet soda and was told almost none. They tried to accommodate me and brought my Pepsi Max bottle to the table in a fancy metal ice bucket! That was my lost in translation moment when the Chinese characteristics took over. (I think it would not be Shanghai Disneyland without one)

We rode Buzz Lightyear Planet Rescue and C really enjoyed it this time. There was just a 10 minute wait! Such a difference from last time when we waited over 45 minutes and C hid under the game console for the first minute of the ride. We were first in line for a photo with Stitch. We visited Marvel Universe and had only a short wait to take photos with both Spiderman and Captain America (the first C was very enthusiastic about, the second, well it looked like she was headed to the gallows while in line, but she agreed to the photo anyway). There was a 20 minute wait for C to Become Iron Man. We stood front row along the parade route and also had an unobstructed view of the Golden Fairytale Fanfare review in front of the castle. Oh the things I had missed on earlier visits!

C only made it to 5 pm, which in my book is pretty good for a 4 year old. Because honestly the 4 year old’s mom was not sure how much longer she would make it. We topped off our visit with C selecting a Thanksgiving Day gift (um, what?) and Cheesecake Factory (of course!). Back in the hotel C could not decide between Ratatouille or Mulan of the free Disney movies on offer and so watched a little of both.

On Friday morning we took a “yes, we were all here” photo with friends in front of the Toy Story hotel tree, which looked as if it had been made with Tinker Toys and ABC blocks. Then we headed off on the shuttle to the Shanghai Disneyland Hotel, the fancier and more pricey of the two. While the Toy Story Hotel has only food court and convenience dining options, the sit down and character meals are at the other hotel. There, at Lumiere’s Kitchen, one has the chance to meet Mickey, Minnie, Pluto and Goofy and dine on beautifully displayed Chinese and Western food options. C only wanted the character pancakes, fruit, and time with the characters. Again, the dining room was not at capacity and we had lots of opportunities to mingle with our Disney friends.

C has a chance for some quality time with Goofy in the lovely Lumiere’s Kitchen

After breakfast it was back to the hotel and then a walk to the Disney Resort metro station. I love that we are so close to the magic of a Disney park but almost as soon as we head through security at the metro station I begin to miss the park and even sort of dread returning to the real world. I guess that sounds melodramatic, but I felt something like that all the same. The magic lasted just a bit longer though as we lucked out boarding one of the few Disney inspired metro trains in service.

Later in the weekend we went to see the just released Moana. (That sounds easy enough, but seeing a US movie in China is not so straightforward. The Chinese government allows only 34 foreign films to be shown in theaters each year. That is 34 foreign films, not just US films. Though most animated Disney films destined to be blockbusters are usually given screen time, sometimes it can be weeks after the US release.) It was a wonderful movie and a great way to top off our holiday weekend of Disney.

Maybe there is time for one more Shanghai Disneyland visit before we leave?

Left: Our amenities from the Toy Story Hotel (the toothbrush tin is so fabulous). Center: Our tickets to the park issued at the hotel. Right: A view of the Disney metro train blissfully free of crowds!

November 1, 2016 by trs

The Joy of Bidding – The Game of “Where Do I Go Next?”

‘Tis the season. I do not mean the fall season, or entering the holidays. I mean it is the time of the year when Foreign Service Officers seeking their next assignment begin bidding on potential jobs.

Well, that is not exactly right. The official bidding season began on Monday, September 19 with the release of the “Bid List” (a database of all available jobs) and was scheduled to end on Monday, October 31, the first day that official offers or “handshakes” can be extended. Six long weeks. But that belies how much work actually goes into this process.

I feel as if I have been bidding since I arrived in Shanghai, over 20 months ago. I feel that way because I sort of have. A few weeks after my arrival I started looking at the projected vacancy list, a list of the jobs likely to be available for me to bid on. Only eight jobs appeared to meet my timing and criteria and two of them were on the US-Mexican border. Ciudad Juarez was a good place for us to be before, but I was not keen to return to the border.

Will I go here? Or here? Or maybe there? That is the question.

Since I arrived in January 2015, my departure date would be approximately two years later in the winter of 2017. We have two bid cycles a year – one in the summer and one in the winter. I was a winter bidder. Additionally, I looked at jobs that were listed as fulfilling a “Political” job. We have five “cones” or career tracks as a Foreign Service Officer (also called a Foreign Service Generalist; there are also Foreign Service Specialists who have other career tracks: https://careers.state.gov/work/foreign-service/officer). The five cones are: Consular, Economic, Management, Political, and Public Diplomacy. With the limited list generated from my search of Political-coned jobs available for winter 2017, I decided to look into an extension. Although unusual for an Entry Level Officer (ELO=an officer in their first or second tour), on May 1, 2015 I had been granted my extension to April 2017, placing me in the summer bid cycle.

And I let that stand for a little less than a year.

Then I revisited the Projected Vacancy List. I poured over it. I printed out the capsule descriptions, the single paragraph summary statements about each position. I made lists. I researched pet importation restrictions (for the two cats). I read reviews of many places on Real Post Reports (http://www.talesmag.com/real-post-reports/all), where real people who have lived in the cities and countries highlighted can anonymously respond to a survey answering questions on commutes, housing, whether you need a car and what type to bring, security and health concerns, schools and more. I made more lists. Then I whittled my lists of top posts down to about a dozen.

In late April of this year I took the time during my R&R to go into the State Department to meet with the desk officers covering several of the countries from my Shortlist Dozen.

Back in Shanghai I started to reach out to some of the incumbents serving in posts on my Shortlist Dozen to find out a day/week in the life of their position, what he/she found were the top reporting issues and top responsibilities, and get the skinny on work/life balance. By August I had reached out to someone in all of my Shortlist Dozen spots. In places where the incumbent had recently left and the new one had yet to arrive, I reached out to the heads of political sections. Before I left for my Australian vacation on September 9 I had identified a firm ten jobs that would make up my bid list (because this year the maximum we could bid was ten). I felt fairly confident that although each and every place would take me and my daughter in a different direction, they would all meet carefully researched personal and professional goals. I was ready.

Then the official bid list came out.

And the game is on! Everyone hopes when the music stops they have a job.

On Monday, September 19, Washington, DC time, the State Department released the Bid List. Since I essentially live 12 hours in the future, I did not feel concerned returning to Shanghai on Tuesday. Yet when I nervously checked the list on Wednesday, my first day back in the office, I already felt behind. Luckily though, having reached out to many offices prior to the official bidding season, I secured three interviews within a week. The first, with my third choice, went alright. I think it went better than I had expected, yet at the end of the call I had some doubts this is where I wanted to be. My other two interviews though went quite well. Alright. This might not be so bad.

Then two positions high on my list, both in the same country, were gone from the list. The incumbent had extended. Then another slipped off the list for the same reason. Then another. I searched for replacements, found one, reached out to the office, and then learned it too would no longer be available.

How is it that jobs listed as available become no longer so? In the case of the jobs I had looked at, they were all two year jobs with one year of training and over 20% post differential. As I am bidding on Summer 2017 jobs, I would then enter one year of training and arrive to post in Summer 2018, then serve two years in the position. The incumbents had only arrived at post in late Summer 2016 after their year of training. Incumbents in countries with 20% or higher differential may extend a third year. I can imagine it is not easy to arrive to a new position in country and within weeks be expected to decide if you will stay two years or three. Having now been through the wrenching bidding process, I am not surprised that many opted to extend. I expect I might do the same. Still, I will use an un-diplomatic phrase here, it sucked.

Then a fifth job made itself unavailable. Originally a position with a start date of Summer 2018, that included a year of training (mostly language) became a Summer 2017 position. The incumbent who had initially agreed to stay a third year under a special “service needs” designation, decided instead to leave after the second year. Though the language designation remained, the timing would mean no year of training. It had been the language training that had made it so attractive. I removed it from my list.

My strong list of ten had quickly been reduced to five, the minimum.

I had two more interviews; I thought they went fairly well. But I needed more bids to feel comfortable.

My original ten bids had featured four jobs in three countries of the East Asia Pacific (EAP) bureau, three jobs in two countries in the South Central Asia (SCA) bureau, two jobs in two countries in the Africa (AF) bureau, and a single job in the Western Hemisphere (WHA) bureau. The European (EUR) bureau uses another bidding tool from the other bureaus – too complicated to go into here and make an already complex narrative more so — which is why I then added three Near East (NEA) in two countries into my mix. I reached out to incumbents. I had another interview.

I cannot imagine this is very exciting to read for the uninitiated and perhaps too cryptic for those in the know. For those actually living it though, it is exciting and scary and stressful at the same time. These bids can begin to feel terribly weighty. Each bid after all represents a different job in a different city in a different country. Each place will alter not only my professional and personal trajectory, but also that of my daughter. If we go to X country in southern Africa I imagine her on the swim team. She likes swimming. Swimming seems like the most popular sport referenced on the international school pages. Yes, there is a swim team with try-outs for five year olds. Yet if we go to Y country in Central Asia, she will likely not swim. I cannot find mention of a pool on any of the school websites. But horseback riding seems a likely possibility. My daughter likes horses.

I play this game in my head frequently. Too frequently. I have to stop when I start to psych myself out of a job. Many bidders receive a message from their Career Development Officer reminding them to be realistic about their options, to not bid on jobs that are a reach, are too heavily bid (within the bidding tool we can see the number of bidders on any given job), or are above our pay grade. The email tells us that last year two-thirds of bidders received an offer on or in the days that follow Handshake Day. The unspoken, but glaringly obvious information is that a full one-third of bidders did not. I falter. I feel very unsure again. I cannot afford to persuade myself now that a job may not be the right path. If I have an offer, I should take it. The email says so.

Bidding can be a lonely sport. Sharing with friends and family who are not in the Foreign Service can be difficult. People are disappointed and confused to learn I have not bid on a single European post. When I have mentioned the places on my list I then receive “votes” on a particular place. “You should go to X because the weather is better” or “My vote is for Y because then I would see you more” or “They all sound nice but I prefer Z because [insert any kind of random fact the person might know about Z].” I know these are well meaning. I do. But unfortunately I do not really get to choose. I can make a list, but ultimately the choice is on the other side.

So basically in a nut shell: the Bid List is released, bidders pour over the bid list and submit bids (and also their lobbying documents like their resume and references and employee profile) to Posts of interest, *if* post is interested they will contact the bidder for an interview, Posts make their own short lists and send to DC, bidders submit their final bids, i.e. a minimum of 5 and a maximum of 10 bids. Then bidders wait. Ten excruciatingly long days til Handshake Day. I try to relax. I try to focus on my work; I have plenty to keep me busy but I feel a little unmotivated, distracted. I liken it to when you are working on your computer and a program that you have no control over is running in the background. For me Bidding 2.0 is constantly running in my brain.

I submitted bids for eight positions in seven countries. I had interviews with six. I heard I made the short list, but was not the number one choice, for five places. I suspected I was on the bid list at a sixth place as I was the only bidder on that job (though as is so many things in the State Department, that is certainly not a guarantee). By all accounts I was in a good position. Then Handshake Day arrived…and passed with no handshake for me.

I bid eight jobs. I only need one to love me in return. Just one.

So how to best to describe this process? It is rather like the dating game. Imagine you are at a high school and the Homecoming Dance is coming up. Everyone would like to get asked to the dance. Cindy likes John. John likes Cindy but is a bit more into Jessica. He would like to ask Jessica to the dance, but if Jessica says no then he will ask Cindy. Rajiv likes Cindy too. He thinks he will ask her to the dance. But he heard that John might ask her if Jessica says no. So Rajiv is also thinking about asking Kaori or Naomi. Kaori likes Rajiv but also Blake, but does not think she has a shot, but is hopeful anyway. She heard from a friend who knows someone who knows Blake though that he knows she is interested, so maybe she will wait it out. Aaron though is the star quarterback of the football team and if he asks Cindy, Kaori, or Naomi, they will say yes. Claudia is a cheerleader and if she asks Blake, John or Connor they will say yes.

Confused? So am I. But picture instead of hormonally charged teenagers these are bidders and cities where positions are available. A very strong candidate might get two or three handshakes on Handshake Day, but can obviously only take one job. The candidate though has 24 hours to consider the offers and respond. When that candidate takes one of those jobs, the two losing Posts must now go down their Shortlist to their number two. Number two though may have been number one on another list and has already accepted a handshake. Perhaps number three on the list though is still waiting and will accept Post’s offer. Yet, this can go on for days. And as the days pass bidders become increasingly hopeful to get an offer from someplace, any place they bid. At the end of the day, as everyone and anyone who knows you are bidding but did not receive an offer on Handshake Day will tell you, everyone gets a job. So after the dust settles there are always jobs that either did not have bidders or for whom their bidders took other jobs.

But on day three of the process I got an offer. Thank goodness the stress of bidding is over. I should take a few days to….Oops, too late, now I am freaking out about all I need to prepare to get there…

Our next post will be Malawi!

The Wanderlust Diaries

A fine WordPress.com site

Life in the Foreign Service