As much as I enjoy living in Lilongwe for the personal and professional life it affords my daughter and I, there are times when it wears me down. Times when the grinding poverty weighs heavily, when the stories of those who are trying to claw their way out yet are foiled again and again, just gnaws at the heart. When a simple drive to the supermarket exposes all my deepest seated frustrations – the begging boys who tried to block my car to get cash (nope!), the car that signaled a turn and then just stopped in the road not turning (get out of the way!), through the traffic lights that haven’t functioned for weeks (is it 4 weeks or 8? It’s hard to recall how long we have all been inconvenienced, playing chicken at that intersection), the guys selling kittens and puppies along the side of the road (sad and illegal!), and a parking lot full of ridiculously poor attempts at driving and parking (%&#*&#!). And the mosquitoes are making a comeback as the weather warms. One might think each morning and evening I am applauding an encore performance for all the clap, clap, clapping I do trying to kill them in my room…
Whew. OK. It may be clear at this point that I just might be in a wee bit of a funk, hanging out at the low point on the culture shock graph. It’s not that it’s Malawi, not really. We all feel like this at times. The fed-up-ness with the routine; the craving for something to break through whatever morass we find ourselves in. The tremendous desire to just get away, to have a change of scenery. That can happen anywhere. Or at least I keep telling myself this… No, its true, I know it. I think back to the loooooooong, busy summer of 2016 when we lived in Shanghai, a city with many, many things to do. I also needed to arrange a few mini vacays then to keep my sanity. Knowing how busy this summer would be (though not really knowing how crazy it would be until in it), I planned for similar getaways to help preserve my mental equilibrium.
Kumbali

View from the upper floor of the main lodge
Located just 13 kilometers from the center of Lilongwe, and about 9 kilometers from my home, sits the 650 hectare working farm with a beautifully appointed lodge at its center. This is the place where Madonna stays when she comes to Malawi. C and I had visited Kumbali before for lunch, but this time we would stay overnight.
I booked for the Friday before Labor Day. C’s school is international, but not American, so she does not get the U.S. holidays off. I did not want her to miss a day of school, nor did I want to miss out on my holiday. With our half day Fridays, we could still have lunch at home and be at Kumbali in early afternoon. And it did not take long for us to pack up the car and head out — a few quick turns to Presidential Way, following it nearly up to the gilded, guarded gates of State House, the residence of the President of Malawi, where a sharp turn to the left has us skirting the high State House walls on one side and a few fancy homes on the other, but which quickly give way to a modest village as the paved road gives out. We bump along a slim dusty, dirt road another 10 minutes til we reach the Kumbali estate, and five minutes more the road peters out in front of the lodge.

Our favorite cow is the one hiding in the back
We quickly settled in to our room, a simply appointed space with its quintessential white linens, with four posters draped with white mosquito nets, but with a soaring 25 foot high ceiling exposing the beautiful wooden and bamboo rafters. I took some minutes to drink it in before hurrying C so we could take part in an activity we had been looking forward to: milking cows.
Kumbali is a working dairy farm, and although their herd is small, they make enough milk to use in preparing their own milk, yogurts, and feta cheeses. I had only once milked a cow in my life, as a child visiting a community fair in the historic town of Leesburg, VA. I must have been 8 or 10 year since old when I sat on the metal pail, guided by a fair volunteer dressed in 18th century garb, in my attempt to free milk from what appeared a very full udder. But my ministrations were in vain and I have always remembered it as extremely difficult work. So of course I wanted to inflict this particular joy upon my daughter!
C was initially game to give it a try but as she watched the cows file into the milking area, she had a change of heart. Perhaps seeing the size of the cows in front of her, she had some serious second thoughts, so she pushed me forward exclaiming, “mom, you go first.” Remembering my own frustrating experience many, many moons ago, I wanted her to go first. With a bit of wheedling she agreed. And wouldn’t you know it but she managed it with ease! I also gave it a go and made it happen with little effort. Well, how about that.

C and Bwenzi survey the Kumbali livestock
We also took a tour of the farm, joined by the Kumbali dog Bwenzi, which means “friend” in Chichewa. A mix of Rhodesian ridgeback and local dogs, Bwenzi seemed the perfect companion, and happy to act as C’s temporary dog. As C begs me every few months for a dog, this worked out well.
After surveying the cattle, goats, and sheep, we headed back to the room for a rest. Work had been busy for weeks and I had had allergies and a cough for about the same time; I was exhausted. I just needed to stay awake through dinner. C happily drew in her sketchbook and I read on our patio. We arranged an early dinner at 6:30 and we just barely made it. The food was delicious -a custom made menu to suit us made with fresh incredients from their farm. Right after dinner we went to bed. Its a good thing that the African Bat Conservancy, with offices on the farm, was unavailable to give us a bat tour that night; we could not have stayed up.
The following morning after breakfast we took part in a one hour farm tour, just our guide, C, and I in a dilapitated, push start, bare bones truck used just for tooling around the farm. There is a picture of Madonna with four of her children posing in this vehicle, published in People magazine. We didn’t tap our inner Madonnas though, C and I are plenty adventurous ourselves. Still, it was kinda cool to be in the same vehicle.
We were taken from the lodge, past the animal pens and staff quarters, to the banana plantation. Bwenzi the dog ran behind and alongside the truck. We passed row upon row of banana plants, from those heavy with fruit to the small shoots just getting going. We headed down to the edge of the property, which borders the Lilongwe River. In two years in the capital, I had seen little of the river that gave the city its name. Those parts we had passed over seemed mere trickles of what surely had been at least a somewhat substantial waterway. But here at the edge of Kumbali the water was full, it flowed, it glistened in the sun. It was beautiful. We walked along the bank for awhile as our guide pointed out areas where locals forged the the stream or used well placed rocks to cross.

C and Bwenzi survey the far bank of the Lilongwe River
C convinced me to move from the front seat of the truck to the bed — this certainly upped the adventure factor as we bounced back along the dirt lanes of Kumbali, back past the banana plants, to the permaculture center, where sustainable farming methods are taught to Malawian farmers. Then we jumped back into the truck, headed past the horse pens, and arrived back at the lodge. Our short, less than 24 hour getaway, had come to an end, but it was worth it for a different look at Lilongwe.
Ntchisi Forest Lodge
Soon after getting C’s school schedule, I noticed a random Friday off in September. With our half day Fridays, I could take 5 hours off and have the whole day, so I booked a night at the Ntchisi Forest Lodge, located about two hours north of Lilongwe. We also invited friends to join us on this adventure.
The lodge is a refurbished historic colonial building, once cool, higher altitude leisure residence of a British district commissioner, then a resthouse of the Forestry Department. Dating from 1914, its actually one of the oldest buildings in Malawi. It is located within the Ntchisi Forest Reserve, one of the few remaining indigenous rainforests. Its been on my Malawi bucket list and sounded like a great one night getaway.
On Friday morning, C and I packed up our car and headed over to collect our friends AS and her two daughters, one of whom is one of C’s bestest friends, then we hit the road.
From the outset my GPS would not pick up the route. But we had a handwritten map and figured we could figure it out. It was easy enough to begin the drive north on the M1, the main artery through Malawi from Tanzania in the north to Mozambique in the south. We found the turn to the right easily enough after 55 kilometers as it was the only main road heading east since the road to Salima. Then we had to make a right after a hospital. OK, got it. Then a right at a t-junction. Good to go. We then had to make a slight left after a radio transmitter and we almost mucked that up, but we made a quick corse correction. Then things got interesting.

Where are we?
We were to drive past a yellow house on the left and then veer to the right. A yellow house among mostly brick ones should stand out, but the color was not as bright as expected and sort of blended into the scenery. Still, there it was and we made the turn. We were close. The next step was to pass a school on the left and then make a sharp right hand turn then follow that for 4.2 kilometers more to the lodge. Except, we missed it. I saw a school, but there was no road to the right, and we drove on. We were talking, and talking. I just kept driving without paying attention to the time. We drove over a cement bridge over a small river. AS noted that something like a river would be on the map and it wasn’t….and we kept driving. Finally, at one point I wondered aloud how long we had been driving past that school and we turned around. I paid attention then and discovered we had driven 30 minutes past that school, and it was not even the right school.
By the time we found the right turn, with the help of a friendly local who luckily spoke English, I had begun to feel the strain of the adventure. Our two hour drive had become four. I was hungry. The kids were tearing through the snacks and beginning to grow restless. I had previously thought, if my aunt comes back to visit, maybe I would take her here, but now I said, aloud, I never wanted to drive here again. Then we found the lodge, turned into the parking lot, and I ate my words.
It is set on a lovely open piece of land surrounded by the forest, on an escarpment with views across the East African rift valley. The scenery is immediately relaxing. We got ourselves settled into our respective rooms, C and I in the lodge, and AS and her family in the forest cabin. Then C and I had fresh sandwiches for lunch. As C quickly finished and ran off her friends (well her friend, she tolerates her friend’s sister), AS and I sat talking, looking out the window, breathing in the beauty. There are plenty of hikes the lodge can arrange, but I wanted to do little but be away from Lilongwe. The gardens of the lodge, full of flowers as well as herbs and vegetables used in their meals, were also full of butterflies. I am a huge fan of nature photography and enjoyed just wandering the grounds in search of lovely things.
In the late afternoon, we headed out to Sunset Rock, a large granite promontory with views across the tree tops, oddly enough with Malawi headed into Spring the leaves turning autumnal colors. DS, AS’s husband arrived, he had driven up after work, apparently without navigational issues, just in time to watch the sun sink into the clouds over the distant hills. Perhaps one of the best sunsets I have had to pleasure to be present for in Malawi.

We all enjoyed a homecooked meal prepared for by the lodge’s excellent staff, and chatted and laughed. I am by far a lone traveler, or now just C and I, so it was novel to be spending this getaway with lovely new people we have met here. C dumped me in favor of spending the night with her bestie, so I retired to a bedroom with three beds that would sleep four, alone. Exhausted by the drive, the darkness, and even comfortable happiness, I fell asleep early, sleeping more than I had in weeks.
We woke the next morning just before a half seven breakfast. I strolled the gardens some more with my camera, DS went for a run, the kids chased each other on the lawn, and AS had quiet meditation time in the forest cabin, before we all regrouped to take a very short hike to a very small waterfall. Then we packed up the cars and prepared for the drive back. Just before leaving, the wonderful managers and hosts of the lodge pointed out their resident chameleon, clinging photogenically on a red flower. All of us took an extra 30 minutes to check him out and thank the staff for their hospitality before heading back to the capital.

Leon the Chameleon
These little getaways have not been quite enough to completly chase away the strong emotions of nostalgia and displacement I have found sneaking up on me at unexpected times the past few weeks, but they did keep that at bay for a little bit. These mini vacations may not have provided all I needed, but they gave me some.





Take these two boys. I have seen them, part of a group of some 5 to 7 boys aged around 8 to 14, begging at a traffic light near the Parliament building the whole two years I have lived here. They hail from Kauma, a predominantely poor community in Lilongwe, basically a slum, not far from my own home. I do not give the boys money, but I have from time to time given them boiled eggs, bananas, apples, crackers, bottled water, and the like. From a few months ago, the gang seems to have split up — perhaps finding the corner of an oft-busted traffic light, on a road sometimes closed due to protests, not the plum place it once was. These two boys seem to have migrated to my very own neighborhood where they pound up rocks and bricks to fill potholes the local and city government fail to ever fix. They do the work and then sit back waiting for residents to pass by and reward them for the favor. I have started giving them a little money — they are after all providing a real service now. Imagine recently as I pass them, they stand, and one unfurls, of all things an American flag, that he had held tightly in his fist. They jump up and down happily chanting “America.”


When we returned the following day to visit the rest of Fort Raleigh, she had even more questions about the missing settlers. Then we headed over to the North Carolina Aquarium because we are simply incapable of passing up on an aquarium. We followed up with a visit to Dare Devil’s Pizza so I could introduce C to the massive stromboli I remembered from my visit 30 years before and then we had some time to stroll and play on the beach.
Once back in Nags Head we stopped at Kitty Hawk Kites because its an Outer Banks institution and I remembered visiting when I was 16. It is also the place to go to book adventure tours and activities. By the time we left about an hour later, C had convinced me to buy her a fox kite (word to the wise: know the dimensions of your extra suitcase so you do not buy a kite that is 4 inches too long to fit) and for me to sign us up for mother-daughter hanggliding classes on the dunes for the following day.



We then drove on to Winchester, Virginia to spend a few days at my Aunt C’s, including a night at her cabin in West Virginia, and then a few days in Sterling, Virginia, my original home town. We caught up with friends and family. And then it was time to say goodbye to the U.S. How did four weeks pass by so quickly? But we squeezed a lot in. C had time in NY with her father, her paternal grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I had time in Jacksonville with my Aunt C and doing more in my home-away-from-the-Foreign-Service. We caught up with CZ and Little C in New Bern. We visited my college town and soaked in some early American history, and had another walk down my memory lane and more American history in the Outer Banks. And we both made new memories enjoying time in the beautiful barrier islands of Virginia. We visited a total of five places in the U.S. National Park system. Not bad at all for four fabulous weeks.







After educating (and sort of torturing) C with the American history lessons and walks down my memory lane, it was time to reward her with two fabulous days at Great Wolf Lodge. GWL is a chain of indoor water park and amusement hotels. My sister and her family had been a few times and I could hardly wait to bring C. I must have splurged for a Cub Club room, where we could have fit 6 people, but had forgotten I did so. What a fun surprise! I thought C would be all about the water park, but she was actually all about the indoor MagiQuest game, where she ran around with a fake wand activating sensors and solving quests. She made lots of friends doing this. We also won the rubber ducky race — kids decorate a rubber duck in the morning and then enter it into the water park race. All the ducks are dumped into one section of the lazy river and make their way to the finish line. The winner gets to sit in a special section of the water park for 24 hours. (Experienced Winner Hint: Show up on a day when only 4 people enter the contest and then be the only person to show up poolside during the activity. Yay, you win!) It also turns out C has a wicked sense of timing for the arcade claw games. Good thing I brought an extra empty suitcase….










That night I joined the other hostellers in a trip to a local dance spot/bar. I was a wee bit reluctant to go (I am neither a drinker nor abar fly). They were all playing drinking games to prepare for going out. I read a book. But I decided I might as well go. While there, I started to feel a bit old. Though there were certainly all ages in the crowd, I would say most were in their early twenties, and most were very keen on drinking as much as they could. Still, the place was going to hold a dance contest, and I like dancing. I start dancing with Jay, another guy from the hostel. After the initial dancing was over, I was just standing by the side when the judge came up and asked me who my partner was. I pointed at Jay. The judge says, okay, you two are the final couple in the contest. Our mouths hung open. It turned out to be a contest of foreigners dancing to Cook Island music. Basically, we had to dance like Cook Islanders. We danced our little hearts out – I tried to remember anything from when I studied Polynesian dance as a child. We came away as runners up, winning a case of vodka drinks. Ha! Just what a teetotaler who rarely goes to bars wants – Jay was pretty happy though. I felt pretty impressed with myself. I trekked for four hours AND danced away in a manic Cook Islands dance contest in the evening (along with two hours more of dancing) – maybe I was not that old after all?




On Sunday morning I attended church at the Cook Islands Christian Church (CICC). The service was mostly in Maori, the traditional language of the Cooks. The local patrons were dressed in their finest – with women in colorful flower-patterned dresses and traditional straw hats; the men in flowered shirts. The pews and beams and pulpit are made of a warm reddish medium wood, while the walls are a white stucco and the ceiling painted an aquamarine green – the kind popular in the sixties. Though it seemed an odd color in and of itself, it worked in this church with its simple stained-glass windows. Those sitting in the center section were clearly the most serious of church goers. They stood up first for songs, sang the loudest, and sat down last. They were also the best dressed. Those on the lower section’s outer seats seemed the second tier of church goers. Maybe they had not arrived quite in time to claim the middle seats for the day, but they were still dressed in their colorful finest and sang the hymns with vigor.





Nowadays the Historical Park is peaceful. The wall of the compound is all that still exists from traditional times beside white sand, a glittering sea, and reconstructed straw huts. In one large boat house, an old native Hawaiian carves the traditional totem or Ki’i that guard the entrance to the landing lagoon reserved only for ali’i, and the site of some reconstruction, from evil spirits. In the small lagoon a sea turtle swam around, another basked in the sun.


As we bid Sharifa farewell at the airport, I made a reservation for my own rental car the next day. This was a big deal for me as I could not recall the last time I had driven a car. The Kona hostel, located in a residential area, was not easy to find because there was not a sign at all. The manager had a weird laugh after just about everything he said. He was young, around 30 years of age, and although he laughed, he did not seem pleasant. Carmen immediately told me in the room she did not want to stay there another night. I also felt bad karma from that guy. The hostel was new and clean, but the guy made the whole thing feel like an episode of the Twilight Zone. Carmen and I walked down to the supermarket to get fixings for dinner and spent an early evening in the hostel reading, showering, watching tv, and eating.